by Todd Savvas
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that my self-worth had absolutely nothing to do with self-love and my understanding of it was absolutely lacking.
One of the primary principles of my work is an exercise I call ‘Worth exercise’ and it highlights the main issue I believe exists in today’s age: a lack of understanding of true value and worth. This is reflected in both individual and also in a larger sense within society around you.
It goes like this: what do I value in myself and what do I value in others? And what you discover will reveal what energy you are calling into your life.
So, self-worth: CHECK! I understand that my worth and value cannot lie in another- otherwise my worth and value will be forever bound to the words and belief of others. So it’s not. Hurrah! Is yours?
Here’s the catch. I didn’t understand that my personal actions reflected a clear lack of self-love. To put it in clearer, and in potentially harsher words: my actions toward myself showed a clear lack of love.
As I type that I even pause a moment and wonder how on earth that’s actually possible. I know who I am and what I’m worth. Right?
I then sat into this question a little further and looked at how I live my life. I discovered how much I truly sacrifice and ‘make do’ with- or spiri-rationalise is OK in some way (spiri-rationalise: to use spiritual knowledge to rationalise. I just made a word up).
Have you ever thought to yourself “I need this. But I can go without it because it isn’t important” This tells your inner being that you are not deserving.
Some examples might seem obvious, like wanting to buy an expensive coat simply because- so you choose not to. But, how subtle might this act of sacrifice and withholding become?
- Maybe restricting yourself of a massage even though you ALWAYS have a rock-hard left shoulder muscle (btw, this is a typical trait of a healer).
- What about wishing you had flowers? But you wouldn’t buy them for yourself, as you wish there was someone to do that for you.
- Or, maybe really wanting to buy something to eat but instead choosing the dull, plain and cheaper option- because you ‘shouldn’t indulge’ (even though never do).
Many people show examples of a lack of self-love because they indulge in terrible activities and behaviours. These in fact are acts of self-sabotage, in some way. But, the less talked about version of this lesson is when you are so austere with your heart you are actually telling your being that you don’t deserve anything for yourself- because you CAN go without. Some manifest this as investing too much time in work, money or achievement, leaving no room for their heart.
The funny thing is, people who hold onto this type of dynamic will be the first to encourage others to look after themselves. Yet, they spiri-rationalise why they can go without it. It might be because their resources are going to others- that being money or energy, or that they are focusing on a much bigger, long-term thing. The issue is that you need self-love in the NOW.
Sometimes these people are actually waiting for someone to enter their life to show them that they deserve good things. Yet, they never took the time to get these things for themselves, in the now. And that person still hasn’t arrived.
It’s so important to remember that when you withhold from yourself- you are sending your very being a clear message. Is that message “I am holding this back from you because it is unhealthy for you”? Or is it actually “I am holding this back from you because you don’t deserve it”?
So, in every moment that I sacrificed what I would like to enjoy or experience- because I could and have before. I continued to teach myself that I don’t deserve more or better. Not because I didn’t have self-worth but because I wasn’t showing enough love toward myself and my needs.
What are you doing in your life that’s reflecting a lack of self-love?
You are being called to be your own champion of self-love. Not for anyone else, and not because it will change anything with others- although it will. Only for you.